The funeral and 21-snowball salute. / Credit: Amber Wood

On Thursday, January 23, Mr. Good’s 6th grade class took math class outside. In an exercise of radius, diameter, and circumference, the students and their teacher built four stunning snowmen and a small outdoor “classroom” surrounded by snowballs. The snowmen were named Peppy Marshmallow, Scarden, Banana Split, and Robert.

After taking measurements of their newly created snowfriends, the sixth graders headed back to their classroom.

On the morning of Friday, January 24, the students arrived at school to find that an act of violence had been committed in the night. In a violent double homicide, two of the snowmen were destroyed. There was an obvious boot print through the head of one of the snowmen.

Our morning writing prompt included the writing of a eulogy for our two deceased snowmen. Here are the words of Sean Conwell of the sixth grade, as written in his journal:

Banana Split was what any kid would want in a snowman. The death of Banana Split and his dear friend Scarden were both truly sad. You always think your snowman is going to outlive you, and I think whoever did this is a real meanie. We will not remember this as a sad day, though, but we will remember the joy these two brought to us in our both our souls and in our hearts.

In a statement, the President of the United States of America said:

The recent murder of two innocent snowmen is a true tragedy. This act of cruelty we believe was done in cold hands. The attackers we believe were not wearing gloves.

This is truly a matter of national security.

Reports of murders like this one range all around the country. They are becoming a trend in the northern states, and detectives are wondering if this is connected to these murders. Even so, double the security is going to be put on snowmen to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

A funeral for Banana Split and Scarden was held on January 24. Attending the ceremony were the families of the victims and the two survivors, Peppy Marshmallow and Robert.

The victims were cremated and put into two beautiful Water Bottles. A 21-snowball salute was performed in their honor. They will forever live on in our hearts.

While suspects abound, the snowman terrorizors have yet to be confirmed and still remain at large. If anyone has any information, please contact the students of Mr. Good’s 6th grade class at Unalaska City School.